The weekend was lovely. I continued to feel fatigued but was able to enjoy it anyway. I had a wonderful visit with Lhianna and saw the new baby. A girl named Mahlon. She is perfect, with a lovely round face and long fingers.It was a very spiritual thing to hold her, smell her, and change her diaper. Babies are from heaven and I have always loved being around them. Surely this is no revelation to anyone who knows me. I have 6 of my own plus I spent 7 years as a childbirth instructor and labor assistant. New babies give me a “good one”. I love Lhianna and Clarence very much. I am thrilled for them. Being around new life is comforting. We know that there is a cycle and life goes on.
Today I went to my second pilates class. Tamara brings me for a private class with Catherine on Monday mornings. She owns a studio called Angler on Montgomery Ave. in Fishtown. They have dance, yoga,acupuncture. All kinds of cool classes for adults and children. Catherine works with me on gaining back a lot of my strength. I leave feeling energized and positive. There are things that I struggle to do even around the house. But when I work with Catherine I feel empowered. It has become something I look forward to. I want to be able to get around better. Grab a jug of milk. Hold Clay. Stuff like that. I want to feel less exhausted by every little thing.
So much of the weekend was tiring for me. I packed a lot for our vacation. Games and clothing. We have activities planned but we are so going to wing it. We were given ride passes for the Wonderland pier by my friend Tamara. Eileen has made all kinds of arrangements for us. We will try to take the kids to Cape May. They have a free zoo. It is small but very lovely. The free library is beautiful. Alec says he will “need” some computer time while we are there. No laptops! I said we can go to the library once or twice. I also have the MOST EXCITING NEWS EVER. Our dear friend Ori is friend’s with Dolly Parton’s manager. She is playing the Borogota casino in Atlantic City on the Saturday night while we are there. He got us free tickets!!!! I am over the moon. I just adore her. Since childhood. My “dying wish” is to take the kids to Dollywood and meet her. For real. Ask anybody. OK somebody vouch for this please. Gina will come down to hang out with the kids on Saturday night. Not babysit since they are all too old for that. Except Clay. We are just going to make the best of this time. Everyone seems excited.
The anticipation has been very helpful in diverting my energy from…” I am going to die” to ” I am living my butt off until then”. A huge difference I think. I am trying very hard to focus my emotional energy on the here and now. I am unable to do anything about the future. All of us are really. Being healthy affords us a certain illusion that we are in charge of our fate. Illness kind of strips you of that. So here I am with nothing left but today. And today is not bad. Today leaves a little to be desired in terms of the damp cooler weather. I wish I felt just a bit stronger. I wish Jesse would talk to me more about his life. I wish the twins hugged me more without me asking. I wish my husband spent less time on the ebay. But really it is a good day.
I think I will not be blogging during the vacation. I think you all should enjoy yourselves, your family, your friends. Maybe you should go the beach too. I recommend hugging people that is always nice. Perhaps start a blog. Or read one of my old posts. Tell me…have I changed? Or just tell me what you think. I’m open. I will be back in town on Sunday the 5th. And leaving for Santa Fe on the 7th. I will not blog then for sure. My plan is to do a lot of relaxing, meditating, praying, breathing and writing. I am writing love letters to some of my friends. And special words for my husband and children. The venue provides me with little distraction from this purpose. Alys thinks I am writing the letters so I can have the last word. She is probaly right.