My schedule is all messed up. I sleep a lot of the day. I sleep most of the night. I can’t sleep for a few hours in the middle of the night. And I wake up early but want to go back to sleep soon after. Yesterday Ed showed up to give me acupuncture. I think it was 8:15 am. I was showered and dressed but had fallen back to sleep. My headache and nausea improved. As well as my hip pain. We all rounded up and headed over to Megan and David’s house to look at the new house. There were 15 of us!!! Poor Megan thought she was going to have a chance to clean up. Oh well. We can look past the debris from work and see the lovely home. As we wandered through going this would be good blah blah blah it struck me that I will never live there. And even though I was still happy for my family, I was a little less excited about the huge beautiful master bedroom that will be my husband’s. Dying is very inconvenient.
We also attempted to get Alec a new cell phone as his is broke. I got what few things done that I could. Clay napped and went to the Please Touch museum with his grandparents. Kelly tried to get a prescription filled for me. We had pizza for lunch and a friend brought dinner. I slept all day. And I would wake and then sleep some more. Bone hurting, body hurting sleep. Eyes heavy and walking like I am intoxicated. I am actually using the commode in my bedroom because the stairs are so daunting. We have a wheel chair which I am considering using tomorrow. We have an appointment for a tour of Penn Charter and I do not think I have the stamina for that. I will also need a ride to acupuncture afterwards. Right now it is making a big difference in how I feel. Today’s big outing is to get another colonic. I am still struggling to go to the bathroom. No matter what I eat. Which is very little since I lack a desire to eat. Last night Kelly bought some crab and lobster to give me some of my favorite food. I was too sick to eat. My husband said the lobster was awful. The crab was good and he trying to talk me into eating it with eggs for breakfast.We’ll see.
Some days I feel my body rushing towards death. New growths in my neck. New pain. Sleeping all day. I think is this what death feels like? I have no idea. So I wait. Death used to live on my couch maintaining a safe distance. Now he hands me a boarding pass I can not read. And I hope that God really forgives me for all the crappy stuff I have done.I think I will meet him in the not to distant future. And iI no loger pray for more time. I really want to be in Heaven now. ASAP.
