Punk Rock Mommy

Today was Andrea and my wedding anniversary. I wasn’t sure what the day would bring, sweet memories, tears of loss, or weather I would just be numb knowing that I had to work all day. I spent the morning first with my little man who makes me smile so much. He is one determined little guy and keeps me bonded to my late wife. I dropped him off with his nanny and spent the rest of the morning with a dear friend of Andrea and mine sipping tea and eating truffles. Spending time in silent prayer and reflection. I felt her spirit there and got a chance to thank her for all the love she has given me and all the love she has gracefully left behind for me. So my morning was actually beautiful and not sad. Our wedding was a lot like Andreas memorial, Simple, real, beautiful, and a little unorthodox. In the weeks after I heard many friends that where there that it was the most real wedding they had ever been to. I had always wanted to be married to someone I was truly in love with. I loved the experience. I loved my wife. I love the family she gave me. And when the time is right, with the right person, I would gladly and fearlessly forge down that path again keeping the lessons about love and partnership that Andrea and I taught each other close to my heart at all times.

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One of the many things that I miss about Andrea were our endless conversations. We could cover child rearing, sushi, The Stooges, the many uses of duct tape and Politics all in a single evening. She never took social issues lightly because she truly loved this world and wanted us to make it a better place, for our children, for ourselves. She told me that she felt Obama was a true Christian and that it was so inspiring to see a real person running for office, someone who could really bring about change in a time when we need it the most.

Lets take our country back this year, vote for change, vote for Andrea.

Howdy folks. Blogging is strange without Andrea around. It made more sense to me then. Writing love letters to her when she was medicated and a bit unreachable that I knew would reach her eventually made sense to me. I’m a pretty passionate guy like that. Now I guess its for her memory or for you guys maybe. Life has become sort of routine. I say sort of because every day with a toddler is an adventure. Grieving too has slowed to a slow ache rather than a sharp pain. I have a few dear friends who help me bear this and that keeps me going. I also really appreciate all the responses and those who are still reading. I love to think that our family is still in your prayers. Things are financially super tight but manageable (maybe). I am going to try to print some cool punk rock mommy t shirts and maybe even sweatshirts to sell for the Christmas season and hopefully that will help get us through the slow winter months. I am proud to announce that Jon and Holly Olshefski (Jon is the amazing photographer) are now the parents of a beautiful baby boy. In getting this news I felt Andreas loss the hardest that I have in a while. I told Jon that I knew she was smiling super big for them. Andrea taught me a lot and a love for babys is definitely one of those things. I am trying so very hard to be a good father to my own baby and kids right now. I feel like the other kids have a really good foundation but if clay is all screwed up well thats all me. Its hard being mommy and daddy all rolled up into one but that is my lot in life for right now & I love them all dearly. I hope they can see it shining through. Time to get a little sleep and start all over in the morning.