Forgive and forget

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The first day in a week when my stomach was not in knots and Cindy decided to treat me to brunch at Sabrina’s. We indulged in banana stuffed french toast and tried to discuss everything in between gobbles of delicious carbs. I love Cindy. I love not feeling like have anything to prove. Cindy has seen me at some of the worst points in my life.She knows who I am, and she still wants to be my friend. I am fortunate because I have several close friends like that. People who know that I am capable of being irrational, cruel,and ridiculous.

I do not want to wax on about how “awful” I am. I just felt the need to comment on how good it feels to be understood and loved unconditionally. This is the other part of it. My sister stopped speaking to me after a fight we had following my diagnosis with stage 4 cancer. She has no contact with me whatsoever. Yet, I meet people who know her who also know me and apparently she does not tell them that we now no longer speak. I feel embarassed to tell them. How can I explain that my only family has turned their back on me. I really do not mean to say I am blameless for surely I am not. But what I can say is that the fact that my sister is so utterly unforgiving makes me value my close friends that much more. To err is human to forgive divine.

I say this knowing darn well that it so so difficult to forgive. And I have a very hard time doing it. I harbor resentments like everyone. But I also know that it is not good for me. Or anyone else. I know that my life goes better , my relationships smoother, when I am willing to have a soft and forgiving heart. It saddens me that my sister and I do not speak. But I am unable to do anything about it…other than attempt to forgive her.

One Response to “Forgive and forget”

  1. Jeremy Avellino says:

    andrea, im sorry to hear about your sis…..glad to hear you are irrational (i never realized that :)…so am i!!!! and jenna and i will always be your friends. we were just talking about forgiveness in cell…how it has to be a continuum, a state of mind we have to live in, ALWAYS ALL THE TIME being forgiven by God and forgiving others….its not a one time thing every once in a while….its tough though….but youre right to say things go smoother when you just let it go. youre great.