Busy as a bee

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As always when I feel good I pack my schedule with visits and activities. It is either to my advantage or not. I have yet to decide. In the meantime the last few days have been fun and busy. Monday I went to physical therapy and did some time on the treadmill. I totally prefer this to walking around the neighborhood. Mostly because if I feel sick I am safe on the treadmill and close to a bathroom. After my little workout I headed home and hung out with Jenny. She brought us a new dvd/vcr player since ours were broken. Later when we tried to hook them up we found that because our television was 15+years it was not compatible. Alec said, “Go on craigslist right now and get a t.v.” I did. And within 30 minutes made plans to pick up a sony 27″ for $60. Sold. We drove over a few hours later. Alec actually went and got the t.v. from the apartment, he said it reeked of weed. He was glad that I did not go in. The t.v. has a universal remote and it is totally awesome. I have never owned a nice television. I feel like a suburbanite.

Today (Tuesday) was busy as well. Megan came by this morning and we had a mini playgroup with the her son Ian and Clay and Shelley’s daughter Maya. Maya was not thrilled to be here, so our visit was cut short. My friend Gina came by to help me with Clay. I still feel like I can not watch him all day by myself. Whether it is because I get too tired or have sudden waves of nausea. Or because I am not supposed to do a lot of heavy lifting…Clayton is 28lbs. After a day of carrying him from the house to the car and up and down my arm is often very swollen. So today Gina and I decided to take him to the mall. And it was great. We went to this huge outlet mall. It was almost empty. He loved being there. He loves people and stuff to look at. He is quiet and content in the stroller. He did the $ .50 rides. He had a wonderful time. And we walked for about a mile or more. That was really good for me. Just being out and moving. It was also fun.

When we came home Mariko and baby Owen brought us dinner( it was great). After the kids came home Gina bathed Clay and they ate dinner. After a long day with us Gina took her leave. I was so thankful for her. She makes it easier for me to spend the day with Clayton, which is what I really want. We all played with Clay until it was bedtime. I put him down around 7pm. Alec and I spent about an hour doing a bunch of online R.I.T. stuff. He had to do this long survey about housing. He wants to live in the engineering house. It is seperate from the dorms. It is just for engineering students and it is really nice. They asked him all these questions like..if you had three wishes… He was struggling to answer them. In the end I will say we collaborated to give them some articulate answers. It wasn’t a test or anything. And he “wrote” it I just had to pull teeth to get it out of him. He was very happy for the help and kept saying I love you Mom..I love you. They always love you when you are doing stuff for them.

Then I still had to pick up Kelly from work.

Today felt like a huge leap forward. All these steps toward independence and normalcy. Yes I am on chemo…but I am starting to actually feel well enough to take a more active role in my life. I drive. I clean. I do dishes and make dinner. This all feels so good to me. I guess this all seems kind of goofy. But honestly I was doing so little for the last 7 months that it feels really major to me. I look forward to being my family’s care taker again. All the way. The last chemo was not that bad. Thursday,Friday and Saturday were bearable..I was just fatigued. But there is no way around that. But the fatigue lifted by Sunday. I am enjoying my life…quality of life. I have a lot. Actually, it occurred to me on Sunday night that I am pretty freaking happy.

I used to let myself cry for 1 minute every day. Anymore than that and it would just feed into depression and I was determined not to be depressed. There was no time for depression. I do not cry at all anymore. Seriously. Its like there is nothing to cry about anymore. I feel like either way it is all good and I am content with exactly what I have. It is like for the first time in my life I want for nothing. I do not need Kelly or the kids to be any different than they are. I do not need anyone to do more. No one is a disappointment. I feel like I can finally just be ok with whatever. It no longer bothers me that certain friends and family have retreated. I am happy with the ones who are here. I also realize that I am so damaged and flawed that those of my children and husband seem less glaring.

Maybe these observations are a result of “near death” experience. Or maybe just from all the praying I have been doing. I don’t know. I am happy and at peace. That is good enough for me.

12 Responses to “Busy as a bee”

  1. shari says:

    Now that is a “feel good” story. God bless you and I pray for you to feel better and better!

  2. debi says:

    Uplifted, I just feel so uplifted by this post. I feel good that people don’t need to know each other personally to truly care about them. There is so much bad on the nightly news. But here and on lots of other blogs and other places people are doing good things and loving and caring and with no gain involved. It is nice to hear of someone else who may not live in a mansion but having enough can really make you happy. I am glad you had a good day Andrea.

  3. Jim says:

    An article about you with a big picture was in the Buffalo News yesterday. I found your site and could not stop reading until I had gone through the whole thing – WOW – I feel like I’ve known you for a long time and have been deeply effected by your blog – I am here to help in any way that I can – Please do not hesitate to ask – You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers – I too am glad that you had another good day!

    j

  4. Michelle says:

    Andrea-

    I just came across the article in the Buffalo News about you-you are an inspiration!
    I am a single mom of two teens-work full time for Hospice, and attend school part time towards my social work degree. I spend so much time exhaused, but your story has given me energy to start (today) my semester, 4 semesters from graduation with clarity and knowing that what I am doing with my life may be able to impact someone as special as you in my future.

    A very close friend was diagnosed with stage 4 metasticized breast ca last december, and after a really rough year, she is back at work teaching, and looking forward to her future!

    Know that miracles do happen-I will make sure to add you to my prayers, and will keep your blog in my favorites to keep up with you-

    How lucky your family is to have you-keep your chin up, kiss the babies, and know that there are so many praying for you!!

    Michelle

  5. Heather says:

    CHeers to you, Andrea. It’s great to have a few great days. I hope you have many many many more. The world is a better place, because of people like you.

  6. megan says:

    when i arrived yesterday, i thought you were doing so well. but it’s when i left (and so gracefully fell out the door) that i knew you were doing great. my current favorite image of you, healthy active you, is when kelly handed you a plastic bag and you picked up dog crap and litter off your sidewalk as you headed back in. now that’s an andrea we all like to see.

    i love you. i hope my next visit is longer and calmer.

  7. Jill Bacon says:

    I saw the article about you today in the Buffalo News. I began reading your blogs, I haven’t got through them all yet…. but it’s like a good book I can’t stop reading! I have to say, what I read so far you are truly an amazing women!! You have the BEST attitude, I am so impressed by your strength and by how centered you are regardless of everything that is going on. I consider myself a religious/spiritual person but I have to say you are light years ahead of me spiritually. I still sweat the small stuff, even though I know it’ll all work out. You are truly an inspiration to me! God Bless you and your family Andrea, I will continue to follow you and I will pray for many good days for you, you are so special, and I know God will continue to bless you. Please contact me If there is anything I can do to help, it would be my pleasure!

    Love,
    Jill

  8. the other white meat says:

    yay!!!!
    the quality of life improving!!! happiness and joy and love abounding!!!
    that’s what us hippies like to read about
    i love you so much,
    nay

  9. Michele says:

    I hope that I get to meet you at one of the the Corsets for a Cure events! =)

  10. leah says:

    I so happy that things are getting better for you, and still i am amazed and inspired that you are happy to be back as the care taker. rock on! and enjoy the T.V.! (you know how i love the T.V.!)
    but more than that i’m happy you are enjoying your life, that means so much!
    i love you
    ~leah

  11. joshua says:

    buffalo news! whoo hoo!

    i’m imagining what Al’s three wishes were…probably something that had to do with being able to play video games with his mind, rocket skates, and a trainset for his building of engineers so they can practice.

  12. Wendy says:

    Praise God! What a joy you are.
    My niece started in the fall at Sonoma State. She is in a field specific dorm and has really enjoyed being around others interested in the same field. They also tend to be a pretty focused group of students. Hooray for Alec! And Hooray for Mom!