More testing

mri.jpg

I meant to write sooner but I am in the mist of a lot of testing. In more ways than one. Monday morning was the biopsy of the lymph nodes in my neck. I had it done at the same place where I was diagnosed. So the smart doctor that looked at my breast and knew I had IBC did the procedure. And even though I waited around for a few hours it was worth it. Dr. Englander was amazing. He remembered me. We talked about my disease and its progression. But we also talked about his kids, breastfeeding, education, my kids. It was very good to see him. I find him to be very intelligent, kind, and genuine.

The biopsy was a bit painful. I breathed and moaned through a small bit of it. I was quite sore when it was over. He told me I did very good. He also told me that normally they put people under general anesthesia for the procedure. Was that option? No one told me I could go under. Kelly pointed out that I do pretty badly with general and that this was best. He is probaly right. I am really bummed because the lymph nodes under my collar bones all have cancer. That was where the pain came from. But none of the scans picked it up until now. It just seems like a waste of time. Like they could have maybe prevented the spreading, but I know this is not really the way it goes. If a scan can’t pick it up what more can you do?

Ruth and I went to Trader Joe’s afterward…because I am insane. I was fine until we began to check out. Then the pain and nausea hit me. I got home and spent the rest of the day on the couch. I just let everything sort of happen around me as I dozed on the couch. Naomi watched the baby. Ruth ran my errands and made dinner. Eventually, my older kids came home and relieved my friends to go take care of their own families.

I was really much less sore this morning. Megan came by with Ian and her husband David. Kelly was here too. It was nice to have a little adult time as well as hanging with the babies. Megan and I got to have a quiet lunch together since Shayna came and took Clay to the zoo and Ian went home with his dad. We shopped without kids as well. I spent a lot of the time playing the if/then game with Megan. At times our discussions brought her to tears. And then I would launch into a “don’t cry, God has a plan” speech. Which Megan is annoyed by. I read enough of those on the blog she says. I am allowed to be sad. She is right. A lot of this is very sad. I am too overwhelmed planning for all the what if’s to be sad. I am just trying to make sure my family is safe, cared for, and prepared. I spend much of my time trying to control everything that can be controlled. And also trying to accept whatever I can’t.

As we speak I am about to leave to go to my brain M.R.I This is being done to rule out brain mets. How scary does that sound? And tomorrow morning they are looking at my heart. Maybe they can tell me if it is broken. I will be getting back on here when I am done with all this testing.

10 Responses to “More testing”

  1. jenni bender says:

    i am praying and praying for good results with all of these tests, i am praying for you to feel peace, i praying that you and kelly and the kids enjoy life today, every day. i love you very much, please know that even when you don’t hear from me, there is not a single day that goes by that you aren’t in my heart and thoughts.

    i know you have a lot going on. i’d like to come over. let me know. i love you my dear.

    xoxo

  2. tabytha says:

    Hey Andrea I just wanted to let you know anything at all you need just call. Need meals a ride company just to talk let me know. I’m always a phone call or email away and you are always in my thoughts.love ya Tabytha

  3. Aimee says:

    i really want to call you tomorrow, if that’s ok?

    Andrea, you probably know this, but if you forgot, i also had a recurrance. it was 17 months for me. i also had in in my neck/collar nodes. they did pick mine up on a PET scan, but that was after a CT scan showed tumor elsewhere. it was my first PET scan. i went back into chemo, lost my hair again, went through the serious tears, and then settled into this odd acceptance. the first time hearing i had cancer and the second time were very different experiences. and i went through the whole, “ok, here is where this is, in case i die” thing too. we went and had living trusts done and all that. the only thing i didn’t do was buy a burial plot- but i did force the discussion with my husband. it wasn’t easy, but was in some ways easier with the recurrance. i think you know what i’m saying. we’ll talk more on the phone. but i just wanted to encourage you- as of this moment i am NED again (i just had scans yesterday and today, so we’ll see if that changes). so, it is possible to get back over that hump. having an MRI is a wise thing to do. mine was perfectly healthy. yours might be too. i’m praying for you and your family. how are your kids dealing with it?

    ~Aimee

  4. debi says:

    I care and I pray. You have come to mean so much to me.

  5. Renee Khan says:

    Andrea, you are right, it is all very scary. The C.T., the MRI, the Mugga, are all cliffhangers. Nerve wracking to the max.

    By the way, I am sure that your heart is broken. I know mine is.

    I know your site is PG13 but I think of what my Dad said to me when I was first diagnosed with IBC: “When the what ifs coming knocking on the door. Tell them to Fuck Off.”

    I remind myself of that when I am driving myself crazy.

    God Bless Andrea.

  6. joshua says:

    i’m glad your funny bone doesn’t have cancer…

  7. Susan says:

    Andrea

    It’s cousin Suzi. I have been away & just returned and immediately began reading where I left off. I am so very sorry to read about this new finding.

    Your children are truly blessed to have you as their mother.
    Your friends and extended families certainly sound like amazing individuals
    as well.

    I have you in my daily prayers as do many of my friends. You are a gift from GOD.

  8. Judy says:

    I was lead here from Stella’s site. My name is Judy, I was just diagnosed with IBC in Dec./Jan., diagnosed with metastasized to the liver in Jan. I’m a newbie to all of this. Started my weekly chemo Jan. 22.

    Anyways, I am so very sorry to read about all you’re going through. IBC is a terrible diagnosis to get in and of itself.

    My heart goes out to you and all of your loved ones. And many many prayers.

  9. Pamela says:

    i continue to pray daily for you, i am so sorry you didn’t have better news. Let other people carry you through the harder times, it’s ok to rest and let friends and family take over when you need it-it helps them feel useful, and feel like they are using the gifts God gave them! If they get tired, I am sure many of us who support you from afar would be happy to jump in the car and help out for a weekend!

    many, many , many prayers,
    pam

  10. Julie says:

    I love you and will be seeing you soon. You are in my prayers sweetie.

    Oh, and when you are in the MRI – don’t fart. I did once and it’s really really gross.