puppylove

slo.JPG

This is the actual picture of our new puppy..Slo.

I just walked in the bedroom to find Andrea and Clay curled up together sound asleep. I kissed my wife on the cheek and though she did not stir I think she knew I was there. Today I got the first good news that actually mattered in a long time. We are frequently blessed with good news and kind deeds. These blessings make life easier in the moment. In the moment is really the only place I can live knowing my wife is going to die of cancer and probably sooner than I want to think about. Every new chemo fails, every new scan shows growth, the wheelchair becomes a viable option in some situations, and I watch her go through weeks of chronic pain at a time and pain killers that make her tired. I have slowly shifted my prayers from “please heal my wife” to “thy will be done”. I have not allowed myself out of self preservation to have much hope of a long future together. My heart would break every time a report of new cancer came in. I have felt it important to not be an emotional wreck all the time so that I could be there for my wife and kids. So today Andrea told me that her doctor thinks that the new treatment she is receiving is working. I am elated and at the same time so scared of having my heart broken. Dare I dream of being able to share another year or two or….. together? On our wedding day I found great joy in the idea that we would grow old together. Once or twice since then I found myself wondering when she was going to calm down and let me back in the house, so we could get on with the business of growing old together (note to self, do not engage in serious arguments without your keys and a 10 spot in your pocket). Now I really just want be able to enjoy some of those things one might have saved for ones autumn years (as John Waters so eloquently puts it). More vacations, more laughter, more parenting together, and a puppy.

Andrea has recently expressed interest in a puppy. I sort of disregarded this because I have heard her say so many times how much work it is to train a puppy. Tonight it all came to a head as she spent hours looking at puppies on line and giggling like a schoolgirl she said “You know why I want a puppy.” A few minutes later I said that I was in fact not exactly sure why she wanted a puppy. She replied “because I feel like I’m going to live.” I think we’re getting a basset hound.

15 Responses to “puppylove”

  1. shari says:

    What a beautiful story….for the first time in a while reading this blog, I too feel like giggling for the both of you. Miracles happen every day there is no reason why one can’t happen for you!

  2. joshua says:

    great post, kelly.

    cute puppy, too.

  3. Renee Khan says:

    Hey Kelly:

    Thank you so much for this post.

    Isn’t it funny that a person you have never met just told you how your husband feels?

    You and you alone have made me have a better day.

    Dream Kelly, definitely dream. Especially knowing that if this drug works and it stops, there are many more drugs in this family to try.

    Renee Khan

  4. Julie says:

    Yay for puppies!!!!!

  5. leah says:

    this is so beautiful
    have a great weekend

  6. Mary Beth says:

    What a wonderful post! I am so happy for all of you!

  7. Kristine says:

    To hear those words come out of Andreas mouth brings tears to my eyes. Hope is a powerful tool in this crazy life we live. I miss you guys and can’t wait to catch up with the family. Much love, Kristine

  8. Toni G says:

    I am smiling through my tears…..what a glorious post Kelly.

    xxoo

  9. Denise in Ontario says:

    Your wife is very fortunate to have such a loving and supportive family and I’m sure she is comforted by this fact.

  10. jenni bender says:

    i seriously love you guys.
    kelly that was so sweet.
    i’m all about puppies. let me know when you get her!
    xo jenni

    “they can have puppies, as long as me and kelly can have motorcycles”
    i love you guys too.
    – mark

  11. Donna Arnold says:

    Very heartwarming post, Kelly!!!! You are the “real deal”…..and what a darling little guy…..thanks so much for sharing…straight from your heart….Andrea…..stay in the zone, babe!!!! Hugs from SC….Donna

  12. Mom says:

    My heart is pounding! Did you say this therapy may be working? This is wonderful news! And a puppy, too. Clay will have some long ears to pull and a new pal to play with. Your news makes me feel like crying and singing at the same time. It’s been a while since you’ve heard something positive from the docs. I wish fervently along with you that you may have more time together.

    Hoping to see you soon.
    Love, Mom

  13. Carolyn says:

    This post had me smiling through tears. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  14. Kristi says:

    You made me be thankful for so much today. God Bless you

  15. Ruthie says:

    Puppies can bring positivity in, what a great thing! We have been reading and praying for you from California. You are so open in your post, so real. I pray that this treatment works and you have some more time for those “autumn life” activities.
    Ruthie