On my mind

Clay and Tuck

On my head
Hi honey I’m home. As I write this hair is falling all over the keyboard. It is June and the dog and I are both shedding. Somehow I thought that it was not going to happen. I am on a medication called taxotere which it says causes thinning but not baldness. My head is all prickly and itchy and hair is falling out all over the place. It is not supposed to happen. Oh well. I am thinking that I am not a wig kinda girl. If any of you are expert turban makers let me know.

On Dads
Yesterday we went to Brooklyn to see Jay Bakker speak at his church Revolution. It was amazing. He preached on the Our Father, revealing that the actual word Christ used was Abba, which translates to Daddy not Father. So many of us have painful connections with the word Dad. Our dad’s failed us I know mine did. But as Jay was preaching I realized that we need to be careful to remember our “Abba” is not like our earthly father at all. God wants only to care for us and protect us. Sorry to be preaching to y’all, but I was really moved. It felt so good to be in New York. I felt great physically and really relaxed. I got to enjoy the company of some close friends and really good food.

On Wednesday and the Daze that follow
I am not looking forward to Wednesday which is treatment #2. I had anxiety the first time which has been replaced by dread. Dread because of the fatigue,nausea,memory loss,sharp pain in the boob etc. I am just not looking forward to it. The kids are all going away cept’ Clay and Alec. I am glad for them to be missing the bad week. My whole life now revolves around the good week and the bad week. And in between is a week where I may or may not feel bad. In any case, as happy as I am for them I realize that all their chores still have to get done. I ask myself what if I am too sick to do X? I feel really good today. So it seems strange to plan on being too sick to live your life in a manner you are used to. Yeah sorry Rob I would love to go to that puppet show but I may be vomiting that day. It still seems very surreal..and then I touch the catheter in my chest and think yes its real, not a dream. When I wake up in the morning their is a hazy second where I forget..then my conscious mind gives me the morning update…. “Good morning this is your brain , you have Inflammatory breast cancer, just wanted to remind you.”

So as I enter the 5th level of hell I want to say I will talk to you as soon as I can. I may have Kelly fill in for me for a minute while I get busy with my coma. I will let John document the good the bad and the ugly so be prepared for anything. Also if I do not return a phone call for a few days try not to take it personally. If you really want to help with anything call Kelly. I think that visits will need to be short and sweet. I look forward to hanging out on my good week. Kelly is working at Body Graphics today (Monday) and on Friday and Saturday at the 4TH Street location.If you are interested in a solidarity nautical star give him a call or email him. I appreciate your support. Love you all and thanks for praying.

6 Responses to “On my mind”

  1. megan scott says:

    i was wondering how you were preparing for THE 20TH. you are a powerful woman. i’ll try to get in for a short and sweet visit on your good week. and i will pray to our daddy that you have the strength to do a few chores, and the desire to give clayton big wet baby kisses (maybe some big wet not so baby kisses for kelly too). megan

  2. Cindy D. says:

    Andrea,

    I would love to come over and clean, do your laundry, grocery shop, feed the dog, hold your puke bowl, etc. I’ll check in with Kelly. It ‘s a bit reminiscent of when you had the twins and couldn’t do much besides nurse and try to sleep. You got through that, and we’ll try to get you through this.

    C.

  3. Wendy says:

    The prayers are going up. We got you covered.

  4. Rob says:

    Good week, bad week, or maybe week I love you and am here for you and Kelly and the kids.

    I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow. Sorry, but that’s the best an atheist can do. 😉

    R

  5. jenni bender says:

    andrea… you are on my mind and in my prayers, as always. i hope today and this week aren’t as bad as you might fear. you’ve got us, your friends, family and most importantly God on your side rooting for you. if you or kelly or the kids need ANYTHING i’m just a call away. i love you. xo

  6. mark says:

    Thank you for including me in such a great day in NY. I am blessed to have shared the laughs, conversations and food with such incredible people, getting lost was beautiful. Love you guys.