bittersweet

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There is so much to write about but both Andrea and I are exhausted. I was tired out by 9 am and still saw the pirates exhibit at the franklin institute with my parents and some of the kids. Clay was content to walk around holding my hand and looking at piratey things with me. Then he did some hardcore flirting with a little girl his age as we ate at whole foods. It was adorable. He was in the highchair on wheels with a little girl in a stroller at the table behind him. He pushed out with his legs so he could roll his highchair over and gently touch the hand of his new friend, then looked back at me and giggled then reached back to her. This went on for four or five minutes (a toddler eternity). I get it, I too feel that childlike warmth when I look into the eyes of my wife. I wanted to stay engaged with her this way for an adult eternity. I am seldom sad when I am with her, but I cry frequently alone at night. I am strong, I will not break, I have been through a lot of hard times in my life. But I know that someday soon I will lose an irreplaceable friend and tender companion. At this I like to think I cry like a man, Passionately with all my being, my heart and my anger. I love those Kids. I will not break.

The hospice nurse came by today and we discussed the hard stuff. My wife could die at any time from the massive swelling in her neck and face. This may not be a pretty death. We went over emergency meds and how to keep her from suffering. This is the main reason that have stopped working all but one day a week. Let me be there , let me find you. let me clean you up and hold you for a while, let me give you the drugs to ease your pain as you slip away. let me be your husband and love you till the end.

Summer is here and the kids have a million invites to really fun stuff. I fear for them that they won’t get the one on one time with Andrea that they need. I encouraged them all to each stay home from one event this week and have some hours of one on one time with their mommy. I told them that they should say everything that they needed to say and cuddle with her as if it where the last time. I told them to steal her phone and answer it “I’m spending time with my mom, she might call you later.” I really fear how hard things will be for these kids if they don’t get the closure that they need. Remember they have always and will always come first. I had them write in their names on Andrea’s calender till Tuesday, so if she doesn’t return your calls please know that she is doing what most of you love her for in the first place. Being the best mom you know.

thank you and much love
Kelly

67 Responses to “bittersweet”

  1. Heather says:

    Again, I say to you all, blessings of peace in the hardest time you will ever face. All of you are an inspiration to many. Hug and kiss each other every day, cry when you need to cry and tell each other thank you for being there when you could have been elsewhere.
    I wish there was something that I could do, more active, more involved, but being so far away and you having so little time with each other, I will not impose.
    Know that thousands are thinking about and praying for you all at any moment.
    Heather in Florida

  2. amanda says:

    You are all so amazing. I haven’t commented before, but I think about your family everyday. Wishing you all peace as you continue through this difficult time.

  3. Courtney says:

    sending all my good thoughts across philly…may they (along with the prayers of so many others) reach you safely!

  4. toni g says:

    Oh Kelly……….my heart breaks for you………your love and devotion and understanding reveals what a gentle powereful man you are . She has put her trust in your capable hands and heart to nurture her babies and to bring dignity and meaning to her life’s end on this earth. May you always know her burning passion for truth and honesty. She mattered to us and changed us for the better. in full measure. My love to all.

  5. leah says:

    you are all in my thoughts please enjoy your time together.

  6. NYGrrrl says:

    Kelly, what you and the family are doing right now is what will carry you through in the months and years, to come. My mom passed in hospice nearly 3 years ago and it is those final weeks that I think about, most often. The meds, the physical realities of the care, of the end… it was so hard. But that time was such a gift. Yes – even if they have nothing left to say, now is the time for the kids to just snuggle with their mom. For all of you to snuggle. Close out the rest of the world out and hold on to one another. I am praying for all of you, every day – praying that you all have the closure you will need and that Andrea is out of pain and that the end is soft and quiet. God bless all of you –

  7. imstell says:

    “Let me be there , let me find you. let me clean you up and hold you for a while, let me give you the drugs to ease your pain as you slip away. let me be your husband and love you till the end.”

    Kelly, I don’t believe I’ve ever read a more perfect definition of “love”. I pray God grants you your final moments together.

  8. Renee Khan says:

    No Kelly, thank you.

    Renee

  9. Jeanine says:

    Kelly, I am crying after your post. I can’t believe that you even could find the time and strength to write this, but THANK YOU. You are doing the absolute right thing and I pray that God gives you, Andrea, and the kids the time needed. I am 40 and lost my dad to cancer last year. The best memory I have is a few hours I spent with my head on his chest, just being together. I miss him.

    Thank you for sharing. You and Andrea have given all of us a rare glimpse into your lives and the courage and love that you share and give. This time, of all times, HAS to be yours – yours, Andrea’s, and the kids’.

    With love and prayers,

    Jeanine

  10. I can see why you are as dearly loved as your lovely wife…

    You all are in my prayers.

  11. Juanita says:

    Kelly, I really do think you are the best man I’ve ever witnessed. Love to all of you.

  12. Gift of Green says:

    Kelly, I will be thinking of you today and all you are doing for your family. Love.

  13. diane says:

    β€œLet me be there , let me find you. let me clean you up and hold you for a while, let me give you the drugs to ease your pain as you slip away. let me be your husband and love you till the end.”

    That is all that needs to be said…..

  14. Debbie says:

    Kelly, as much as an inspiration as Andrea has been to us, you are her rock and her solace. You are an incredible man and I don’t think that she could ask for anything more, nor the children.
    God bless you over the next few weeks…..you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many.

  15. Lisa in Aus says:

    Kelly

    You have broken me, I cant recall how much I have thought of you and your family over the last 6 months. I think of you all often in your time of need. your post today has brought tears to my eyes. The love you have for Andrea and the children amaze me, you are all very strong.

    I don’t pray very often, but I am now for you and your family. Andrea, you are an amazing women too. Stay strong

    Lisa in Australia

  16. Kelly says:

    Peace and strength to you, to Andrea, and to your kids. I only know you through this blog, but my heart is breaking for all of you, and I am amazed by the strength you have all shown, and the degree of love in your lives. It seems that many people are keep this prayer vigil with you.

    Another Kelly, near Philadelphia

  17. Jenni says:

    Kelly, you know how much I love you. How much I love Andrea and the kids. You two have shown me what love really looks like. I am honored and thankful for that. I am here any second you need me. xo

  18. Michelle Wienke says:

    Andrea, Kelly and kids-

    My heart continues to break for all of you- these next days, weeks, and possibly longer are such a gift-I know that you may not realize it right now, and things are painful and routine in the things that you have to do to keep Andrea comfortable and your home “functioning”-I use that in the loosest sense of the word,,,,but working with Hospice, I can tell you that there are so many others who do not have this gift of time-time to cuddle, time for a cup of tea, time for a movie on the couch or a nap in the bed-time to touch, and kiss and let each other know how you feel-this really is a gift from God, this time that you have is precious.

    As difficult as it may be, get out the camcorder and just let it roll for hours and hours-these will be the days you will cherish one day-when you can watch the tape without sobbing, and laugh and smile about how happy you were all together-this time is a tremendous gift from God, please see it for that.

    It sucks, and it isn’t fair, but I know tomorrow it could be me, or any other of the “regular voyeurs” that come into your life-every day I tell my kids that I love them, and we spend as much time together as we can, but tomorrow it could be all over for me….you are doing as a family exactly what you should be doing-BEING!…and that is a tremendous gift……….

    I will continue to pray for all of you and love you all from afar………Wishes for a peaceful, pain free and warm, snuggly day together-
    With love-
    Michelle

  19. Ann Marie says:

    Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight, and give your angels and saints charge over those who sleep. Tend your sick ones, O Lord Christ. Rest your weary ones. Bless your dying ones. Soothe your suffering ones. Pity your afflecited ones. Shield your joyous ones. And all for love’s sake.

    St. Francis

  20. lizz says:

    i’m glad we had time to talk yesterday.

    I know the cash is dwindling, and you need to be with andrea and the kids. we’ll figure something out, maybe another benifit? get some more people to donate some money, so you can be there without worry.
    i love you guys.

  21. Stephanie says:

    “Let me be there , let me find you. let me clean you up and hold you for a while, let me give you the drugs to ease your pain as you slip away. let me be your husband and love you till the end.”

    Your words are so incredible. I can hardly speak. Thank you for sharing what love and marriage really mean.

  22. Amy says:

    Kelly,
    What a beatiful gift of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that you are giving to Andrea and the kids. What a gift that God has given all of you…..the oppurtunity to spend as much quality time with Andrea that time will allow. What a gift you all have given us….the oppurtunity to share that UNCONDITONAL love that you all have shown us that you have for each other. What a gift that we all will carry with us of the words of wisdon and insight that you, Andrea and the kids have shared. A gift that I will forward on to those I love….the gift that you have shared with me.

    Amy Sherwood
    Lincoln, NE

  23. Stephanie says:

    Hi – Im responding to Lizz’s comment about the dwindling cash situation. Other than the paypal thing, is there somewhere I can send a gift card or something in particular that you all need? I dont even know you so I wont come to your house, I’ll send the mailman or the fedex man I promise. I am praying for you and your family to spend your time joyfully, not worrying about $$. Can I help please?

  24. Jill says:

    Kelly and family,

    As hard is this is to read as on “on-looker” I can’t even imagine being in the midst of it all. All I can say is, you are all such a powerful force in Andrea’s life. You are such an ispiration of love and comfort. I will miss Andrea and her strength, wisdom and humor. What an awesome women she is! God bless you all. Wishing you all peace and love. Love her up guys. She will be at peace soon and painfree! and she will ALWAYS be with you.
    Take care all of you.

    Love,
    Jill (from Buffalo, ny)

  25. caro says:

    thinking of you, kelly, and sending loving thoughts your way as well.

  26. Chrissy(Jenny Ball's sister) says:

    Kelly,

    You are truly a rock…..and you are right ,you won’t break……you are a great dad and husband. Stay strong, you are in my prayers. As a matter of fact our whole family is praying for you all. I told Jenny to tell you and Andrea that if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask. Our entire family has grown so fond of all the kids they are considered FAMILY!!!!!!! As both you and Andrea are too. Thinking of you all every minute.

    Love,
    Chrissy

  27. Richelle says:

    Kelly,
    I don’t know if I can even put into words how incredible it feels to read your entries….a more devoted husband could not be found anywhere.

    May God Bless each and everyone of you.

    Richelle – Machesney Park, IL

  28. Ruthie says:

    Now THAT’s a family man! That’s true AGAPE love….love in ACTION, only for the good of the other, selfless.

    God Bless you, Kelly, and may these last days with Andrea be peaceful, and ones you will treasure forever. You and Tucker and I am sure Alec, too, are standing in the gap for Andrea, flanking her sides and keeping her safe and protected, making sure her wishes are respected…

    My thoughts are with you and your family today,
    Ruthie Graham from California

  29. Julie says:

    Kelly,

    We’ve only met briefly but please know you are in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart.

    Please don’t worry about us. Shut off your phones and just love each other. We’ll just wait and pray for all of you.

    I have learned much from you, Andrea and your children about what it means to be a family and what it means to love. Thank you.

  30. Deb says:

    I can’t read your middle paragraph without crying. Partly from sadness and partly from just plain awe at the amazing love you have and express for Andrea.
    Please don’t misunderstand me – never in a million years do I mean Andrea is lucky to have this cancer, but she IS lucky to have experienced someone loving her like this. Many, many people never do.
    I want to help with $$$, too. Please let us know how we can.
    Thoughts and prayers as always,
    Deb in AZ

  31. Donna Arnold says:

    Hi Kelly:
    What an amazingly sensitive and devoted husband you are!!! You have blessed Andrea and her children so much…and she will rest in peace knowing her children will still have a wonderful parent for them!!!! Bless you, my friend….your words are so soulful and so heart rendering…I feel your pain. I watched my mom go over a time of 3 months..in the end I did as promised I gave her the drugs to keep her comfortable as often and as much as she wanted!!! I held her as she passed…and thought…what a beautiful way to end her life…she left this world in my arms and I came into this world in hers!!! Now that is full circle…I was with her 24/7 for 3 months. Now my partner is with Stage IV terminal breast cancer and I am with her 24/7…..I am her rock!!!!!
    Kelyy, know we love you as much as we do Andrea, and will hold you all close…feel free to email or call anytime you want to, just to chat. Andrea has my number in her personal emails I sent her…..hugs, dude…rock on….Donna in SC

  32. Donna Arnold says:

    TO ALL WHO READ THIS BLOG:
    I challenge each and everyone to send just $20 or whatever you feel moved to send….I believe Naomi will provide us with an address to mail it to for this family. Here’s mine, Naomi…where shall I mail it to? Let me know ASAP, please, Naomi? This way we don’t disturb the family at home and Naomi will see to it that they get it all…..thanks in advance, everyone…let’s open those wallets…come on…we all can do this…..let’s SHOW our love and humanity to this wonderful lady and her family…..Donna in SC

  33. Jesse & Rebecca says:

    ‘When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
    I summon up remembrance of things past,
    I sigh the lack of things sought…..

    But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
    All losses are restored
    and Sorrows end.’

    ~William Shakespeare

    Kelly: I am so proud of you for being able to feel so deeply, to be able to share and to say it so well….
    Andrea: We love you like crazy.

    ~Jesse

  34. jeff says:

    Kelly-
    Praying for you man. Your love for Andrea and the kids is such a beautiful thing.

  35. Lin says:

    Donna Arnold…This is not an Auction! You are totally inappropriate!

  36. Elizabeth from West Chester says:

    Dear Kelly and Andrea, There are no words, just love for you both. Elizabeth

  37. Shareen Kelly says:

    Kelly, I have never met you but your words and example are a powerful testimony to your faith and love. Andrea, I just wanted to say thanks to you for sharing this journey with us. . .your words have shown us what real LIFE is. . .a peace in the face of suffering and a hope that sees God’s goodness in spite of the circumstances. Your example will continue on in your children and friends. Thanks also, Andrea, for your exuberance and wisdom given to me when I was a new parent-to-be. . .I count it a blessing to have had your teaching and example ahead of me. I wish you courage and peace these next days. . .we are praying for all of you. Shareen Kelly

  38. debi says:

    I think Donna is just trying to help Lin. No ugly comments here okay?

  39. Andrea says:

    Lin, I think Donna is just trying to help.My husband is not working right now so that he can be at home with me and the children when I pass. It is not inappropriate to ask for help is it. I am sad that you were offended we were not. We were grateful.

  40. Dina says:

    Amen, Debi. I think we all just want to do SOMETHING…I can’t tell you the number of times I have thought about or asked someone what I can do to help this family who we have all grown to love. We all just want Andrea to not be sick anymore…to not suffer…to be able to be the awesome mom that she is and hold that job for a long, long time. When we realize that without an actual cure for cancer we are a hopeless bunch, we think about raising funds, cooking, commenting, listening- whatever it takes. I know personally it empowers me a bit and makes me hurt a little less. I want Andrea’s family to not have to worry about finances or meals or anything trivial right now. And I think that Donna understands better than most of us exactly what Andrea’s family is going through. God bless Donna for taking the time to care and advocate for Andrea when her own partner is suffering.

  41. shaina says:

    I haven’t met you. but a friend sent a bulletin out regarding your trials. my heart breaks for you and your family. i wish you strength, courage, and peace. may your last times together be blessed.

    “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”
    john16:33

  42. Donna Arnold says:

    Debi, Andrea, Dina:
    Hey, no worries….asking for help for care funds for the Smith family was addressed in another post….so I was offering up for us all to dig in and do what we can to help….if everyone who read this sent even $1.00 and if everyone they sent here did the same…just imagine what we could do to move mountains for you all…in lieu of the “fixer-upper” someone is making ready for you, the funds for anything else you may need….is all I was thinking of….last January my partner and I were devastated by her diagnosis, and I was already disabled thanks to a careless, uninsured driver…long and short, if folks hadn’t “solicited” for us, we would have “drowned”…so folks are entitled to their opinions…this is about ANDREA and no one else. My money will go out in the morrow’s mail….look for it, Andrea…and it is more than $20, too….cash….easily expendable for you and your family!!!! I love you, my friend!!!!! Donna in SC

  43. Cheri Thiel says:

    To Andrea’s fans,
    There is a link “Wanna help” on the right side of Andrea’s blog to send a donation via paypal. I found this to be a safe, easy way to send a donation.

    Praying for you always, Andrea and family…..
    Cheri in Michigan

  44. Susie in Kentucky says:

    The Lord bless you and keep you.
    The Lord let His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
    The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace.

    Andrea, Kelly and family,
    You are in my prayers – God Bless.

  45. Donna says:

    I don’t see the “Wanna Help” link and I want to do so. Please tell me where to send a donation……..Much love & heartfelt prayers, Donna In N California

  46. Donna says:

    LOL NEVER Mind…I found it and it was so easy to make a donation…much love & prayers to the family

  47. anon says:

    I don’t know you . You and your family are in my prayers. God will get you all through this. Lean on him.

  48. Kate W (Audubon, PA) says:

    I came to this blog this morning to suggest that if half the people who read it could donate $25 by paypal to Andrea’s fund, then that would be a practical way to help her family. I discover I’m not the only one who had that bright idea! I’ve made a contribution, it makes me feel I’m doing something to help, in a situation where truly I feel powerless otherwise. I am not someone who can offer prayer. Money may seem crass, but Andrea is grateful for it, and she has given us all so much through this blog, which I personally check out twice a day. She is a spiritual leader.

  49. Lin says:

    Hi, this is Lin, and I’d just like to take a minute to apologize for making any sadness for Andrea, and of course I realize how thankful you are for all the help you’ve received Andrea. I found the connection of being “challenged by Donna in poor taste. As I, too have been supportive of your family and at times felt my heart breaking for you all. I have contributed to “fundraisers” and never felt the need to toot my own horn for any of it. And, yes I am entitled to my opinion, but also having a problem with “ugly comments”?

    Your family has made a great connection with all of your readers and the adults who are influence by the seriousness of this illness that can strike any one of us at anytime. Most of us have been effected by cancer in someway, the loose of a parent, sibling, family member, a friend or our own struggle with the second leading cause of death in this country.

    Your family has been a strong advocate of all that is good and lucky enough to have part of your children’s school expenses paid for by a scholarship, I’ve always embraced the importance of higher education. Andrea, you made this happen because you challenged yourself Because of the love of your children.

    That said, it upsets me greatly — as I think you can tell, to come to Kelly’s special tender page and end up with bartering. Most of us since day one have know that your blog was to inform, inspire and encourage you…We knew it was about Fundraisers to help your family, and we knew where to go on your pages to donate.

    Your stories just lend credence to the notion one finds the goodness in their hearts to help another. So much has come your way without being solicited. You have told us of much needed help for children with laptops, air conditioners, money, scholarships, you said you where comfortable…

    You said you where given Medicaid, and I imagine your children will remain on this benefit, for wellness and care, a benefit that you qualify for through low income. Your are in Hospice care. Approximately 85% of our Hospice receipts come from patient care reimbursement, including Medicare, Medicaid, private insurance, State Employees Health plan and patient fees. The remaining 15% comes from community support, contributions. How wonderful people are! All done through the goodness of others.

    People who are covered by Medicaid. Though, certain requirements must be met. These may include your income and resources (like bank accounts, real property, or other items that can be sold for cash) why condone someone bartering and exposing your personal finances.

    Lesson learned: Religion and money have no place on the website of the “Great Cancer Swindle” That’s definitely a credo I will live by from this point forward.

    I admire you, respect you and will miss you more than you can imagine…

    Much Love, Lin

    Again, I apologize. Thanks and have a great day

  50. Concerned says:

    Religion is discussed on this website just about every single day. Andrea is a CHRISTIAN and her family possesses religion and tons of faith. Money is discussed almost every day as well. Andrea and her family do not possess very much of that. Andrea’s children have earned their own scholarships by being incredible hard working smart kids who impress others every single day. And feeding a family of 8 plus the puppy isn’t going to allow Andrea’s personal finances to overflow and to become a compromise to her Medicaid. We could all send a thousand dollars right now and it would be eaten up by bills and food expenses alone. C’mon. The word BARTER means to trade things and not involve money in the deal, so I don’t think that was what Donna was doing. Kelly’s comments about how much he loves his wife moved her to act and encourage others to act. At this point in the game, how about the people who have judgements to make either stop reading this blog or stop commenting all together. A woman is dying here. If you don’t approve of the way people want to help her then keep it to your damn selves. I am sure that Andrea’s family aren’t considering themselves “lucky” right now. Have some respect.

  51. Linda, Palm Harbor, FL says:

    Andrea, Kelly, and Family,
    Yikes, Where is this Lin coming from? One blog that she posted way back when was really wierd and “mean”. I think she has lots of personal problems, but, sweetheart, this is all about you. Continue to enjoy your days remaining in peace, love, and cherish each moment with your wonderful children and husband. I pray always for you. I love you. Linda

  52. debi says:

    God and spirituality are so important here and I am sad that you think it should be otherwise. It is not my place to argue this point. It makes me very sad to think that Kelly and Andrea still have to worry about money. No matter how sick one is the elec co will still shut you off. Kids still need to be fed. We know there is a need here. Let us all do what our hearts lead us to do. I don’t want them to have to ask anymore. Almost all of us are sending positive words and prayers. When I come here 20 times a day, it is love that I feel. Love sent from all over the world. Please let only words of kindness and love come here to this special place.

  53. Heather Goldberg says:

    I just found this blog today and I am so touched by all the love Andrea is surrounded with. She is so lucky to have such an awesome husband and 6 great kids. I feel so sad that she has to leave them soon, but so happy you are all together at this moment getting lots of cuddle time. Please pass away peacefully, Andrea. No more pain.

    I’m from Philly and a mom, so this is really hitting home. I will spread the word and hope you receive enough donations. Please let me know if there’s anything at all a local can do. I am sending a Paypal donation right now and wish I could do more.

  54. Deb says:

    Well said, Debi. I don’t know Donna Arnold, but I have no doubt her intentions were 100% good hearted and helpful. We all feel helpless but just want to help somehow.
    Deb in AZ

  55. Stephanie says:

    Andrea & Kelly,
    I know you are spending time together with your children, soaking up each moment and I wanted to tell you that is a gift you’ve given me. As a mom of three (16 yrs, 15 yrs & 4 yrs), I am so often rushing them here and there. “We’re late, lets go, NOW, hurry up, Im waiting….” Im sure you understand. But last night you all were in my thoughts as I put my little 4yr old boy to bed. I usually hurry through the bed time story, kiss kiss and good night, but last night I actually crawled in his little bed with him when he asked me too. We gazed out the window, counted fireflies, I listened to him while he quoted his favorite lines from “Bee Movie”, we discussed the differences between t-rex & stegosaurus and I laughed to myself when all the while he was picking his nose. BOYS!!

    This came because of you. Because through your love and life, you’ve taught me to appreciate, pay attention and focus on what is most important. My kids, my marriage, my faith. You have give me so much.

    Love, Stephanie

  56. Brian says:

    Kel,

    What you wrote was beautiful. I read it to my Mom last night. Guess she’s tried to call, but I told her not to. That this was the time for You and Andrea and the kids to be together. She does understand, and just wants you to know how much she loves all of You. As you must know, all of you are in her daily prayers.

    The picture of Andrea and Clay is Wonderful! Of all the things I recieved from Andrea on eBay, I kept that SOURPUSS pirate shirt (and the tat blankets). My 61 year old Teddy Bear is now, and always will be a Pirate in that shirt. He’s a pretty cute little guy…just like Clay. Not as handsome perhaps, but hey, he’s 61 years old and someday will be Clays.

    I Love You Kel. So many tears here~but more than tears are Huge hugs and Much Love.

    Peace to You, Andrea and your wonderful children.

    Pop

  57. Maura says:

    Andrea, Kelly, Family & Friends

    I think it’s time to block all and any comments from this “Lin”. She is obviously a seriously mental being. There is no room here for her or any of her comments.
    I do hope that you have had a peaceful weekend and that you are resting comfortably.
    Kelly, keep her protected from weirdo’s and GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

    ~MAURA~

  58. Aimee says:

    Kelly-

    If, at any time you need or want to talk to my husband, who is a Christian man who has faced the reality of his wife (possibly) dying and leaving behind dependent children, please don’t think twice about getting in touch. I know that what you’re facing is the “real deal” and we only got to ‘second base’ so-to-speak, but we’ve had to do the whole who-gets-what when I die deal (not monetarily, but sentamental stuff). So we have had to grab onto dying so much harder than most people who haven’t faced terminal illness. I think it may help my husband too, if you should decide to introduce yourself. I mean, I’m not obligating you in any way. Spend time where it needs to be. But in “keeping it all together” you also have to have an outlet away from the kids where you can put your pain and grief. We can’t be strong within ourselves when facing something of the magnitude that you are. Of course God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness, but sometimes He provides His strength to us through others, and doesn’t always just hand it straight over. So if you need to find some strength so that you can spread it out amongst those kids, we’re here…………….

  59. Andrea says:

    Lin, what the heck are you talking about? Religion and money? I am a Christian… I talk about my faith constantly as it alone is my source of strength and happiness…and money…we have very little. All that stuff you wrote is crap. Please give me a break and go commenting somewhere else. I am tired,sick,and annoyed by this whole drama.

  60. Elesha says:

    Holy crap are u kidding me lin!!!!!

    Get away and leave this family in peace. Andrea dont waste a min even thinking about all that. Id love to help out but cant do it by pay pal is there anyother way. Kelly needs to be with you so if we can help that happen it would be our honour.
    Hugs
    Elesha

  61. Sara says:

    Kelly, You are an awesome husband! What powerful words you wrote. The children…they are awesome as well πŸ™‚ Love the poetry….how neat is that? What a beautiful family.

  62. debi says:

    I would also like to send what I can. We can’t use paypal at this time so is there a po box or something? Also, is it a hassle to cash money orders? I know personal checks are slow. Gos Bless your sweet family. debi

  63. Donna says:

    I am so amazed at the fact that no matter how much sorrow someone is going through, there is always someone there to add to it. Anything nasty and vulgar is okay for bloggers but Jesus is not. Andrea, don’t even read those silly comments, it will use up your energy on things not worth your time…..
    I’m praying for your family.

  64. Julie says:

    This is what we refer to as a troll. They live to be “fed” and their food of choice is attention. Don’t feed the trolls.

    Those that know and love Andrea and her family understood the “challenge” and that’s really all that matters.

  65. Kristie says:

    Andrea,
    Ruthie keeps me posted on your situation regularly. I wanted to visit you last Friday, but fully understand your priorities.
    I read your blog daily, think of you, and do my form of praying. As you know, I love those kids of yours.
    You are the strongest person I’ve ever known.
    Love, Kristie

  66. Kristie says:

    steve matt here-kristies husband. this is my first post because i don’t rely know how to use a computer,or for that matter communicate on one. Last night i was sitting on my couch playing with the dog and kristie came downstairs crying, i asked her what was wrong and she just said “andrea” as she buried her face into the pillows. she urged me to read the blog and so i did. what i read this afternoon left me in tears. the love and devotion to wife and family can only be described as “heart of gold” and you my friend have the biggest one i have ever seen. i love andrea and i love those kids, you are all in my heart and in my prayers, if only mine was as big as yours you would never have to seek shelter again.
    if there is anything that my family can do for yours don’t ever hesitate to ask.
    god bless you all.

  67. i wanna have your babies…

    How do you come up with so much material to blog with?…