Taking it all in stride (one step at a time)

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I don’t feel like I get to miss my wife as much as I’d like to. When I do it hits me like a ton of bricks. I hope that soon things will slow down enough that I find time to sit down and remember her and actively miss her. I just worry that being a single parent is so overwhelming and details fade from memory so fast… I just want to hold on to some thing.

Things have been moving along how they do, sometimes easy, sometimes seemingly more than I can handle. Contemplating giving up Slo (the basset pup) as a toddler and a puppy is a bit much for me right now. This is a bitter pill as Andrea was really on me to try to make the puppy work out… Alas I can’t do it on my own and the kids are less than thrilled about training a pup no matter how cute he is. Sooo Any takers ? As for everything else I feel like I am settling into a single parent groove ok but everything else is coming pretty slowly.
I have a bunch of stuff to get organized, Andrea’s stuff to pack a million phone calls to make, accounts to close …ect. I tend to knock about one of these things of my list a day at the most. The list is getting smaller, but still a bit overwhelming. We’ll get through it all eventually. I joined a gym with the boys and they have been trading off days working out with me . This is great for me because it makes me work out every day. They are really enjoying it much to my surprise and I used work out daily for years so I have a lot that I can teach them.

Finally I just want to say that I miss writing what I call the Morrisey blogs, You know sugary sweet and all about love. Sorry it turns out that I was writing those for Andrea and you guys got to read along, the thing is now I don’t feel sweet about much… cept clay, I try to be hard but he cracks me every time.

thanks for stoppin by
Kelly

31 Responses to “Taking it all in stride (one step at a time)”

  1. Mary says:

    Kelly,

    You are an amazingly strong man and you have been through so much! We do not know each other but I have been a faithful reader. Please know that I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers each day. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am glad you are getting out with the boys and working out. Take each day as it comes. No one expects more from you. And no matter what happens with the pup, Andrea is still smiling right beside you. She always will be.

    Love and prayers,
    Mary
    West Virginia

  2. Mary says:

    Kelly, you are doing a great job and I know how hard a puppy is without dealing with what you are going thru – I hope you find him a nice home. Take care and I will pray for your family.

  3. ByJane says:

    Thanks…you actually calmed me down talking about taking things one day at a time.

  4. MrsRony says:

    Yes this too shall pass…not that it makes it any easier. Things are still in the hectic/chaos mode. A month or a week from now you will want it all back when there is nothing to do but be.. Roll with it for now and feel free to change directions just whenever you get ready.

    I wish you peace
    Lurking from Ohio

  5. Chani says:

    I can’t even imagine how hard all of this is for you – but it also sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of it. Still wishing you peace. 🙂

  6. Theresa says:

    Kelly,

    I’ve been following this blog for awhile now, but have never commented. Mostly because I don’t know quite what to say. I admire the strength you’ve shown. Raising six kids and a puppy while still mourning is tough and you have an amazing spirit and will. I’m constantly impressed.

    Like many others have said you have to do what’s right for you and it sounds like you are. Good for you!

    I’m a few states away and not in need of a puppy but if there is anything I can do please don’t hesitate to shoot me an e-mail. I wish I was closer and could at least take Clay to do fun things to give you time to take care of things.

    As I said, I’ve never commented because I just don’t know what to say. Mostly I want you to know that even though we’ve never met there is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think about your family. I don’t worry though because you seem like such a strong group and I know you’re all taking care of each other.

    Much Love and Respect!
    Theresa

  7. Bill says:

    Hey Kelly,

    Great shot of Clay!!

    It’s great to hear you’re working out, and that the gang is joining you. I wish I could be there to help lift some of that weight (both in the gym and otherwise) but know that you’re doing great and will get through this OK. You’re in my thoughts daily, as are all the kids too.

  8. Gin says:

    I wish I had some wise words. What I know after our tumultuous three years of hardships, is that it’s recommended to not get a new pet within 6 months of something stressful (cancer, job loss, audit, move, death). Sometimes I wanted to just go out and get one, just to make me feel better. But in the end, I had to be honest with myself and accept that I couldn’t handle a new family member.

    I’m sure you know that giving up a pet is not easy, especially when someone you love who is no longer with you was a part of that. Maybe, if one of your friends nearby would be willing to take Slo, kind of like part time ownership, to help you heal. Give you less in your load. That way you could still keep Andrea’s wish – but kind of at bay if you know what I mean.

    I’m sorry! I’m sure you have thought of all of this and me saying it doesn’t make you feel any better. But if you haven’t, then that’s me giving you unsolicited advice.

    I wish you well, all of the children. I pray for your continued healing over the loss of the love of you life.

  9. Jaija says:

    Kelly, If you are unable to find a friend to adopt the pup who I am sure you have grown very attached to but as you mentioned the care involved is not much different from another toddler!…you may want to consider a breed rescue group such as basset rescue. Most rescue groups will try to find a pemanent home right away but if they can’t will foster the pup until the right home comes along. Breed rescues are all about people who love the breed, in this case, bassets. Here is a contact from the PA area:

    Adoptions, Surrenders :

    tristatebassets.org
    Sandy Gera/Bob Arnold
    610-388-2434
    adopt_@_tristatebassets.org

    My guess is a puppy will not be difficult to place in a home with dog lovers who really want a pup of that breed. It is an option if you do not find someone you know to adopt. I’m sure Andrea would have understood and supported your dilemma to care for an active pup amidst all of your other responsibilities. I have two dachshunds I adopted from dachshund rescue. Wish I could take another. They are a lot of work! Wish you the very best.

  10. Cindy says:

    Wow, that little boy is a cutie!!

    I think working out with the boys is a great plan!! Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    Cindy in Canada

  11. Loni from pa says:

    im a faithful but silent reader…just wanna say im so sorry for your loss an pray for you an your children daily. Stay strong an just take one minute at a time, im a mom to 4 lil ones an recently lost my fiance …so i know your pain an again im so sorry

  12. debi says:

    Clay is getting so big. Great picture of him. Kelly I read your thoughts and think you are an amazing man. I know, you hear this alot. It’s just that it’s true. The puppy, I think I would feel the same way. They are alot of work and right now you have a full plate. I am always glad to see you have posted. My love to you all, debi

  13. Kelly……sorry I missed you when I visited this week. At this very moment I am re-reading your card and thank you for those words of solace & compassion. Just as I and my children mourn Shep so deeply, it was he who was so proud of our efforts and prodded us to do more for your wonderful kids. And they are wonderful kids, deserving of attention for their brilliance, talent and good nature. We were very honored that Sheena brought Asa & Tucker to his funeral. When the ‘dust’ settles, let’s do a coffee chat as you suggested. Everything is just so raw now.

    Toni

  14. Courtney says:

    Hi. I’ve been following this blog for a bit now, and maybe I can help with the puppy. Drop me an email if you are seriously thinking of finding it a new home.

    Best,
    Courtney

    We already have an adult basset.

  15. Jessica says:

    Hey Kelly,
    Thanks for keeping the blog going for us – – and for you. I hope it is helpful and not hurtful. Or maybe more helpful than hurtful, if that makes sense and translates via the web!

    I would be willing to help co-parent Slo if needed. I have two older dogs and 3 cats but I work from home so I could train him. Also you guys could come visit him anytime – I live out in the sticks, 6 acres, clean air, room to run around. Let me know your thoughts. You could certainly have him back when your situation changes.

    Also I would love to bring some chow some night – let me know when.

    Hugs and love,
    Jessica

  16. Renee Khan says:

    I am so thankful that you have a sweet baby and all the kids.

    Kelly, you sound like you are doing everything right. Really, you do.

    It is no surprise to me that two wonderful people found each other. It really saddens me though that one of them had to leave.

    Take care Kelly.

    Love Renee

  17. Jeanine says:

    Kelly,

    Perhaps Jessica’s offer would be amazing…..(see above)….. that way you could still see Slo, and she would train him, and there is a good chance that once life calms down a bit and Slo grows up a bit (puppies do mature quicker than kids :)) you could take him back and it would be a much better fit and situation, plus it would still be a link to Andrea.

    Jeanine

  18. Wendy says:

    You’re doing a great job. Everything else I want to say sounds so cliche. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.

  19. Linda Conley Soffer says:

    Now that I am a parent, I have often wondered how I would have been able to deal with grieving a loss like my father while still caring for my (1) child – grieving takes so much energy and time. I have to echo the sentiments of the previous comments that you are doing an amazing job, Kelly. I love that you are working out with the kids – that is great for all of you on many levels. I love that you are just trying to do 1 thing a day on your list, taking it one day at a time, and realizing that eventually it will all get done. The pup may have to go – my brother has 2 full-grown bassets and even as adults the are ornery dogs – those hounds! I trust that you will figure it out. Peace and love to you all.
    Linda

  20. Aunt Sue & Uncle Joe says:

    Kelly,

    I just wanted to tell you how very proud we are of you. I read you blogs before going to bed and am so thankful for the connection. I don’t always comment, but just am relieved to hear from you. Sometimes fear raises its ugly head and that’s when I shoot up my most fervent prayers for you. This scripture came to mind tonight. “My grace is sufficient for all your needs for My power is made perfect in weakness”. His strong hand is constantly there to take hold of. Hold on tight. He’ll carry you through this time as He has in the past. Kelly, I see an inner strength in you. The same strength we saw in Andrea. God will never ever leave you or forsake you. Rest in His truth. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Trust that they will come at just the right time when you need them. You’re doing a great job doing what’s right for you and your family. We’ve always heard it said that time heals all wounds, but I read an e-mail tonight that said love heals all wounds. I believe that’s true. And you’ve got so much of it in you and all around you. Keep on keeping on. Just couldn’t go to bed without telling you that we love you and that you all are in our thoughts and prayers!

    Aunt Sue

  21. Sarah, Leo, Bella & Gigi says:

    Kelly, don’t know if you know me, my husband Leo and Andrea worked together at T-Moms. I would love to help you with the kids. Ihave two girls, Bella is 4 and Gigi is 2 1/2 and know how hard it is to get anything done! I even took Jesse’ s number hoping to hire him to help me out….send me an e-mail (eisensteins@yahoo.com) if you think we can help out. Sarah, Leo, Bella & Gigi

  22. Roads says:

    Ah, the paperwork! There’s so much paperwork to do when you lose someone. I don’t know why it has to be so difficult, since filling in endless forms is the very last thing you need right now.

    But that’s exactly how it is. Stick with it, as best you can, and spirits up.

  23. Micaela says:

    Hi,
    Found you through Suburban Turmoil nomination for Perfect Post. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Your post here reminded me of similar ones I read by a man who lost his wife.
    His blog is now closed, but you can read the older posts. It may give you comfort to know you are not alone.
    http://www.atomictumor.com/

    Best wishes and God Bless to all of you.

  24. Brian says:

    Hey Kel,

    What a cute picture of Clay is right! With all the stuff on your plate, I’m glad to hear you are taking some time for You and the boys to go to the gym together. I know with the move and all your continued time spent with them is important now. And your getting back to work is also important. I do wish I could be there to help with the move Kel. I talked to the HR dept. at work, but the only way was to use vacation time. Saved that week for October.

    I’m very much looking forward to being with you for Clay’s second birthday and visiting with you, Bailey and the boys. Mom tells me that Clay now wears a 4T! Whoa! At least now I know what size to bid on via eBay for some new kewl punk rock duds. What a cutie. Chomping at the bit to see him!

    Love you Kel

  25. Sylvia says:

    Does it help to know all these people are cheering you on? And not just because of Andrea: you write so eloquently.

    Hang in there.

  26. Michelle Wienke says:

    Kelly and everyone-

    I’ve logged on tonight-finially- it feels like I have missed you all this last week or so. What beautiful friends you have! You all have created this network of support and love and that is what will see you all through. I miss Andrea’s witty writing, I miss her soul, the very best of her, which is what shined through in each blog to those of us out there who have fallen in love with all of you.

    As I re-coup from my own surgery, I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers-I will continue to check up on you- know that you are thought about and loved from miles away!

    Blessings-
    Michelle

  27. maureen says:

    Hey Kelly,
    I learned of this blog just as Andrea passed, It broke my heart….I could not be taken away from my computer for hours at a time just reading all the blogs… May god keep your family strong creating a bond that can never be broken…..
    I know you don’t know me, but I read that you need a sitter at times, I am great with kids and have plenty of references if you ever need me to take the baby for a few hours contact me…..I am located in fishtown/port richmond…..

    GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME….
    Maureen

  28. margie says:

    i am not happy to say i have been there done that but unfortunately i have. i was widowed at 46 with four children. my david also had cancer. i have visited your blog for the first time today, sent over by shutter sisters. we also had the damn puppy to deal with when david died. and we stuck with that puppy for a long time, over a year, until one day i just lost it and said i hate that damn puppy. the kids burst out laughing and said mom, we all that dog. he went to a very nice home, same day. you and your family will eventually crawl into a hole, stay there a very long time, and one at a time, smallest first, you will climb out standing on each other’s shoulders, and that last one in the hole, you, will be dragged out by the others. all the best.

  29. Kelly,

    My most sincere condolences to you and your family. Heaven is just a little brighter with your Andrea in it. I ran across this blog by happenstance…or maybe divine intervention. Andrea’s words and story have touched me deeply. As a mom, it grabs my heart to think of her 6 kids that struggle to make sense of her death. Most of all, I was struck by Andrea’s words that she wished Jesse would open up more. Such is the world of a teenager! I think I have something that I can send to help all of the kids talk a little more about how they are feeling. It might even help you, too. If you are interested in me sending a complimentary set of “KidTalk Cards: Grief Relief” to you, you will need to send my your snail mail addy to my email.

    To see that I am not a freak or some weirdo trying to get your addy…please visit my website at http://www.kidlutions.com and see more about the KidTalk Cards: Grief Relief. I know someone who is currently undergoing treatment for cancer. She has two young children. I developed KidTalk Cancer cards just in honor of her struggle. Had I known you and Andrea prior to her passing, I would have sent you some of those, too! Blessings!

    Godspeed to you and yours~
    Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD

  30. Melissa says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I’ve been reading the blog for awhile and am sad to see that you are getting rid of Slo, but toddlers + puppies are definitely a lot of work.

    I would offer him a new home but I fear I’m just a bit too far away.

    Hang in there. I’m sending lots of good karma your way.

  31. Becky says:

    As you know he passed toward the end of July. Your comment about not getting to miss your wife as much as you like just hit me like a ton of bricks. Can’t even come close to comparing our situations, but I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I wear his shirt to bed, I talk to his picture. I’v cried, some good ones-but I feel this big hard ball inside of trying to find a way to escape and it just can’t. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I feel like the world should somehow stop, but the sun keeps coming up and the grass keeps growing and people go on with their lives,,,,I just keep taking deep breaths. I am here for you as much as your here for me,,,,,aka,,,,your online grief buddy!