Getting to the point

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There are so many morbidly funny things I do not write in this blog. Mostly because I think it would upset people . But if we are friends ask me to tell you the benefits of dying young. Or my top ten reasons why its good I have cancer. Or about my friend Death. Oh it is so fantastically dark. Most of the time laughing is a way to diffuse the intensity of terminal illness. I mean that’s what a therapist would likely say. I am not a therapist. I am however terminally ill. And sometimes..cancer is funny.

I occasionally find myself in this awkward position in which I am telling someone I have cancer and they tell a happy ending story about so and so who had cancer and survived. I know this is meant as a loving attempt at support. But I wondered to myself recently if anyone actually dies from cancer since everyone is always saying so and so lived. I may be overreacting to this whole cancer is deadly thing. Maybe I am being too pessimistic.

Today was my day at acupuncture. Heidi brought me out to the Won Institute where our friend Doreen and her partner in crime Lynn asked me a million questions about my health or illness really. Their teacher Ann told me I had a perfect tongue. Really..she said it was like a super healthy tongue. Better than an athlete’s. I am not lying. I had 7 needles put in me. It didn’t hurt a bit. It felt sort of weird-nerve ending-kind of sensation. Doreen said this was mostly for my nausea and g.i. issues. I felt some interesting muscle spasms. then had a distinct feeling of the blood flowing through my entire body. Then I became aware of my organs and then my abdomen. I wasn’t sure how to process what was going on exactly. When Doreen came back I asked her to do a relaxation exercise with me. She asked me to inhale the Golden light all around me that was God. And visualize it entering my body. I imagined the exhalations carrying away my tension. I imagined it eating my cancer. I let my body float away. As I did this water flowed from my eyes but it was not like “crying”. I had as little control over this as one does of perspiring. It was my body ridding itself of pain that I no longer even felt. The release was wonderful. I felt better for hours after. I do not know what other people have experienced with acupuncture. But I thought it was really powerful. I am looking forward to going again. If any of you are interested give them a call. It was great.

I am moving out of the bad into the maybe week. Maybe I will feel well enough to go do things. Maybe I will feel well enough to do dishes/cook/care for Clay. Or maybe I will be completely overwhelmed and feel too sick to do _______. So maybe we can see each other. Or maybe not.

Jesse comes home from Spain Wednesday. I miss him so much it’s killing me. I don’t like being apart from my children. Never have. But I love them being independent. So its worth the missing him. Anyway, he promised me he would blog about his trip when he gets back. I was so happy. Now if I could just get any of them to talk about their feelings that would be great.

I will talk to you all soon. Andrea

5 Responses to “Getting to the point”

  1. leah says:

    hey, i guess the thing is that when you have cancer or when someone close to you has it, you don’t want to hear about death, you want to hear about people beating it. when jo jo had leukemia, i was a little pissed at someone telling me “oh my husband died from leukemia” i didn’t want to hear that especially since adult and child leukemia are different. also jo jo had a friend in the hospital who had leukemia but a entirely different kind and he had died, i was crushed but i didn’t tell jo jo till years later, and when i finally did tell him he was upset that he never knew, but he was 5 and i didn’t want him to think HE could die because i didn’t want to give him bad thoughts. i guess what i’m trying to say is good thoughts are always better, sure we are all going to die, it doesn’t have to be from cancer, it could be from walking in-front of a bus, but thinking “i’m going to beat this” is better than “this is going to beat me” but i do understand the morbid thoughts and how they could be funny, where people really don’t think they are funny at all, i guess we have that in common. i have already planned out my funeral and i tell everyone, my husband gets mad but if i don’t say it to everyone it may not get done the way i want it, and yet i’m the only one who thinks that is normal and funny.
    you are such a strong person, and as i have lunch with your kids everyday i’m in awe of you, and your family. i can’t wait to read Jesse’s blog!
    i’m so sorry for going on and on
    and if you want i can talk to you about the good and the bad
    whenever, anytime
    ~leah

  2. Andrea says:

    No Leah that’s great. I totally understand why people say that to me. I mentioned only because I think its..funny. But I agree about the positive attitude. I love that you are morbid like me, you had a hearse that says a lot right there. Thank you Leah for being so supportive of our family. I love you Andrea

  3. Doreen says:

    Hi Andrea,
    Thank you for coming for an acpuncture treatment. This was one of the most profound treatment experiences I have had in the twenty years that I have been a health care professional. You touched my soul. Blessed Be!
    Love,
    Doreen

  4. jenna says:

    Hey Andrea,

    We have tentative plans to hang out and listen to Jay Bakker on Monday at noon, but I know that this is your “maybe” week, so I can take a rain check if you want. I will call you in the morning and see if you’re feeling up it.

    love love love you,
    jenna

  5. leah says:

    well, it’s good to see someone else in the real world who thinks morbid thoughts have a bit of humor in them. I love you girl!
    ~leah