"I want to be super mom. Instead I am punk rock mom."
Ironically or maybe predictably I took a “what kind of mom are you” quiz. And apparently I am a punk rock mommy! So as a trivia question who can tell me who that is a picture of? I will give a t-shirt to the first three correct answers.
I am happy to impart punk rock wisdom to my children. Think for yourself. Think outside the box. Do not let others dictate to you what is normal. Challenge people’s ideas about what it means to be a Christian. Be yourself. Do not fear new things. Love the Clash. Love independent music, movies , skateboards, and politicians. Kill your television it will rot your brain. Love the thrift store. Enjoy art..all kinds of art. Your first tattoo should always say “mom”. Don’t worry about what other people think. Forge your own path. And have fun.
Of course I teach them the “normal” stuff too. Its good to wash on a regular basis so you are not the smelly kid. And so you can grow up and get a girlfriend and a job. Trust God. Trust your family. Don’t steal from anyone. Don’t hurt people. Love your family and friends. Be thankful. Be patient. Be forgiving. Take responsibility for everything you do both good and bad. Hold babies every time they cry.Accept what life has to offer in terms of challenges but do not be afraid to change. Fight for what you believe in. Laugh often. Cry some too. Eat good food. And play board games whenever possible.
Being a mom is what I have been doing for more than 17 years. Sometimes I worked. Sometimes I was a student. Mostly I was a mom. I am still a mom. It is what I do with the bulk of my day. When my children are not with me I feel weird. I do not feel fully at ease when they are not in their beds at night. Being sick from chemo is a huge inconvenience to me. It cuts into my mom time. I lay in bed after treatment and hope and pray that it will be a short break. I actually miss being around them when I don’t feel well. I look forward to playing and hanging out.
I also go through the trials of parenthood as well. Sometimes they get too loud. Or they decide to ignore me. Sometimes they blame everyone and everything for their problems. Sometimes they refuse to accept “no” for an answer. When I feel good I can meet these challenges with love and patience. When my patience has worn thin from a cocktail of chemo, lupron, and steroids I am less than capable of the task.That bums me out. I feel like it is very important that my children feel loved and nurtured. When I don’t have it in me I feel like a failure. I judge myself so harshly. I feel like if my time is limited I need to be the best mom every day. I pray for that. I want to be super mom. Instead I am punk rock mom. I scream. I sweat. I love them. I am a mess. I am human here me cry. No strength. No bravery. Parenting its a dirty job….good thing I like dirt.
They teach me a lot about forgiveness. And fun. And unconditional love. I like them. They are my favorite people. They like what I like and they are nice to me, even when I am a jerk. I am a lucky mom.
I love you all…. Thank you all for giving me the best job I ever had.